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Yesterday I heard the unpleasant and disheartening news of two young gentlemen from our community calling off their impending marriage (earlier agreed upon by both families, the gentlemen and their fiancées concerned) ostensibly on the grounds that they felt that they would not be compatible. Incidentally one hails from a well to do family and the other from a poor family. In India, especially in arranged marriages as the ones in question, such break ups are a great loss of face to the girls’ families.
They raise certain fundamental questions and the role our community must play in these circumstances....
- Is it advisable to permit the boy and the girl, after both have consented to the marriage, to meet and interact till the wedding is solemnized?
- Do you think that the parents should advise and guide their children during such interactions and keep a tab on developments?
- Is “the feeling that the girl would be incompatible” a valid reason to break off?
- Does our Sangha have a role in such situations and in making it difficult to call off impending marriages on grounds that are at best, imaginary, or sometimes frivolous, intended solely to mask the real reason for such break ups?
- Should the Sangha offer professional counseling, especially to the girl and actively assist the family in finding a suitable match?
~ Navin Ullal, Mumbai
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